


so long (since i last heard your voice)

by Tsundeyama



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Banana Fish Angst Week 2019, Eiji is trying to cope with everything, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Post Ep 24, before gol I guess ?, is this angst ?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 12:50:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17325320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsundeyama/pseuds/Tsundeyama
Summary: Eiji sits here, starring at half a picture of Ash and all the memories they made together play back in his mind. Every laugh, every cry of despair in the night, every heart-breaking scream but also the playful insults, theonii-chanand thesayonara.And the realization that in every memory, Ash sounds different, that he, in fact, doesn’t remember so well. He tries, though. He tries modulating the voice, changing the tones, but he just can’t get it right. The voice isn’t Ash’s anymore.





	so long (since i last heard your voice)

**Author's Note:**

> Who thought an angst week would be a good idea ? I spent my night crying over this piece, it's too soon okay, I'm not ready to stop being in complete denial. 
> 
> Also, the prompt for today was 'forget' and I really do hope this piece fits the prompt lmao I'm such a mess.

Eiji believes it’s time. Eiji believes he’s ready to open the pandora box in front of him : the pandora box of everything he brought back from America.

 

He can now think about Ash without breaking down in tears, he can actually say his name and voice out how much he misses him. He’s fine now, he is strong enough.

 

The first thing he sees in the box is a picture

 

It’s nothing more than an arm, a black shirt, the glimpse of his neck and the end of few blond strands of hair but it’s enough for Eiji to feel overwhelmed.

 

He still remembers everything so vividly : the nervous feeling in his stomach, the shaky hands around the camera, how he found Ash more beautiful than everyone else he ever saw before. He remembers the scent of his cologne because he bought the same one to smell when he felt lonely. He remembers the noises in the background. He remembers the sad glint in Ash’s green eyes as he turned his head away. He remembers the softness of his voice. _« Not the face »._

 

Eiji sits here, starring at half a picture of Ash and all the memories they made together play back in his mind. Every laugh, every cry of despair in the night, every heart-breaking scream but also the playful insults, the _onii-chan_ and the _sayonara._

 

And the realization that in every memory, Ash sounds different, that he, in fact, _doesn’t_ remember so well. He tries, though. He tries modulating the voice, changing the tones, but he just can’t get it right. The voice isn’t Ash’s anymore.

 

Eiji stares at the picture once again before carefully putting it back in the storage box in front of him. Maybe it’s still too early. Maybe it will always be.

 

He sits back on the couch, bringing his knees to his chest and enveloping himself in a quilt to stay warm but he’s cold inside.

 

With closed eyes, he tries again. He’s looking for the right pitch, that smoothness he loved so much, the accent... Tears fall in spite of his tightly shut eyes, sobs escape from his pressed together lips.

 

Shaking hands reach for the phone and ghost-dial his number out of habit before remembering that no one will answer, not even a pre-recorded message. He would like that though. He would like Ash’s voice to tell him to please not leave a message after the _‘bip’_ because he wouldn’t listen to his voice mail ever. He would like to have something to remember the sound by.

 

He presses the keys, not really expecting anything. Maybe the number was given to someone else after... No, he’s sent to an automatic voice mail.

 

**« I loved how you were different from anyone else I ever met but for once, I would have liked you to do things like a normal teenager. »**

 

He sniffles. The use of the past tense is painful.

 

**« I would have liked to hear your voice tell me something, _anything_. Just one more time, one last time, I would have wanted to hear you say something, even a heartbreaking _sa-yo-na-ra_ because nothing will ever be as painful as knowing that I’ll have to live the rest of my life having forgotten the sound of your voice. »**

 

His favorite sound of all, the sweetest of melodies to his ears... Had he known what was going to happen, he would have been more careful, more aware of all the subtleties of Ash’s tone. Had he know it was the last time he would hear him, he would have paid extra attention to be sure he would never forget.

 

He would have though, and as the years will go by, Eiji was bound to forget more and more of the little things that made him love Ash so much, but one thing was sure : he wasn’t going to forget him.


End file.
